How to Prepare for an Intimacy Scene: Essential Advice for Actors

Photo by cottonbro studio

If you’ve arrived here, it’s likely you’re staring down the barrel of what may be your first time stepping into a role where your character will be exploring some kind of intimate act. This can be both an exciting and nerve-wracking process, a chance to explore a new kind of performance art that also may raise many vulnerabilities in you as a performer.

If you're an actor preparing for a scene that requires intimacy, here are some guidelines to help you navigate this challenging terrain.

• Explore your Boundaries

First and foremost, it's essential to understand and establish your boundaries. These are deeply personal and can vary from person to person. They may relate to degrees of nudity, types of touch, simulated sexual acts, or emotional intimacy.

Spend time before your role reflecting on what you're comfortable with and ensure you can communicate this effectively to your director, fellow actors, and the intimacy coordinator if there is one. If you’re unsure of how to establish or vocalize your boundaries, your intimacy coordinator can help guide you through this process as it relates to the work you’re creating.

• Remember, Consent is Key

Lean into your power to give or refuse consent at all times. If a scene makes you uncomfortable or crosses your boundaries, it's your right to express this and the duty of your support team to help find alternatives. Be sure to have these conversations before you begin shooting. This could include a written agreement in the form of a nudity/simulated-sex rider as well as an in-person discussion with your scene partners, director, and intimacy coordinator.

Remember, consent can be withdrawn at any time, and a good production will respect this.

• Tapping In and Out

Establishing a "tap in" and "tap out" routine can be helpful. "Tapping in" is a process that allows you to prepare mentally and emotionally to step into the intimate scene or character. "Tapping out" helps create separation between you and the character or scene once it's over.

This can be as simple as a few deep breaths, a particular phrase, or a physical movement like shaking your body out. It's a clear signal to your brain that you're transitioning from actor to character and vice versa.

• De-Roleing at the End of the Day

Just as important as preparing for an intimate scene is the process of "de-roleing," or stepping out of character at the end of the day. This can be a mindful routine such as meditation, physical exercise, journaling your experiences, or talking with a trusted person about your day.

It’s about creating a clear demarcation between your professional work and your personal life.

• Ask Questions and Seek Clarification

You have the right to know exactly what is expected of you in an intimate scene, and it’s important to ask questions until you feel fully informed. Ask about the specifics of the scene, the use of body doubles, the type of clothing or covers that will be used, who will be present on set during the filming, and how the footage will be used.

• Request an Intimacy Coordinator

The presence of an intimacy coordinator can make a significant difference in creating a space for safe and successful exploration of intimate scenes. They act as a mediator and advocate for the actors, ensuring that boundaries are respected and that there's clear communication about the choreography of the scene. They can also offer practical choreography advice to support performances and make sure scenes still look great while upholding safe practices. If your production does not have an intimacy coordinator, it's your right to ask why and to request one.

Remember, the portrayal of intimacy on-screen can be an integral part of storytelling, but it should never come at the cost of your comfort, safety, or personal boundaries. Preparing for such scenes can be an emotional journey, but with the right knowledge and resources, you can navigate them with confidence and grace. Stay informed, stay respectful, and remember, you're never alone in this process.